


The five times the Doctor was wrong and the one time he wasn't

by GoodDalekPeppergrinderfromdowntheRiver



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Episode: 2015 Xmas The Husbands of River Song, F/M, Original Character Death(s), Timey-Wimey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6859033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodDalekPeppergrinderfromdowntheRiver/pseuds/GoodDalekPeppergrinderfromdowntheRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times the Doctor was wrong and the one time he wasn't</p>
            </blockquote>





	The five times the Doctor was wrong and the one time he wasn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sylva_Dax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylva_Dax/gifts).



> It is sort of not in chronological order if you get what I mean and if you don't then you will when you have read it. I just wanted it to be a bit timey wimey sort of.  
> Hope you enjoy :) ( I should be studying for my A level exams but fan fiction is so addictive unfortunately.)

I

 

Lately, most emotions were feeble in their attempts to assault him. Happiness was merely a lone candle. It was very easily extinguished and did very little to chase away the vast darkness. He was too numb to feel excitement and thrill – even fear. All that could penetrate his thick skin was the coldness. It warped his old Time Lord bones and left him frost bitten and frozen. He had thought that he would just continue to live a life where everything felt like cardboard; a life where he hid in the outskirts of time and apace and pushed anyone that came close away. In fact, that he'd merely exist - not life. And he was fine with that really. After all, the idea seemed infinitely better and merciful  compared to forever losing people.

However, fate must have been on his side - for once. Throwing his direction, exactly what he needed. Everything had happened rather spontaneously. He had grudgingly left the safe comfort of the TARDIS to follow a man who called him the Surgeon. Apparently there was a medical emergency and even though he was adamant about hiding and not getting involved, curiosity took over. 

Now a person in a thick velvet red coat was approaching him. He'd sighed inwardly. How had he allowed himself to walk into a potentially dangerous situation? So much for not getting involved. He decided that he'd say something sarcastic and turn back around to his TARDIS and sit there for an eternity. Yes, it was pathetic, he was wallowing in a pool of pity, but there was no one around to watch anyway. However, what he did not expect was to be confronted by the sharp stare of his wife's grayish green eyes. Her hair was just as he remembered - a mess of curls. River Song, as beautiful and radiant as ever. He had no idea that: he could still feel warm and recognize beauty in such a bleak gray universe. He had no idea that he could still love. 

Immediately, he swallowed his pride and backtracked on his earlier thoughts. He had lost River Song. He had lost her and oh how he grieved. He had lost her and that was horrible, but he was wrong. Loss did not mean that he shouldn't love in the first place. It meant that you made the most of the time whilst it was there. And she was there now.

"RIVAH!" He cried, willing and ready to embrace his lovely wife.

 

II

 

"Because I am telling you now, that woman is dragging me into anything!" The Doctor said defiantly as he followed Amelia Pond out of the TARDIS.

Amy rolled her eyes at his petulant manner. A lady had: caught his attention (rather efficiently); fell into his TARDIS; flew her and marched out the TARDIS expecting him to follow. Definitely his wife whether he wanted to believe it or not. 

The Doctor, however, unlike Amy at this instance,  was adamant on neglecting the evidence laid before him. He was still under the illusion that he could stop her from dying by refusing to get to know her. He'd let Amy see the planet for five minutes only. He'd ignore River and try not to get tangled up in whatever it was she was doing. He'd return into the TARDIS and fly away, henceforth being more careful about crossing paths with River.

And that would be the absolute end of that.   
He after all could runaway from whatever and whomever he wanted to. Time most certainly was not the boss of him!

How wrong he had been! River Song was a temptress.  Without even realising, he found himself gravitating towards her. It was not until he was knee deep into danger and adventure that he realized he had fallen into a trap. He hadn't just walked into a cave full of malignant angels. He'd also found himself 'dragged in' to River Song's mission. In fact, he followed her willingly, like a loyal puppy following its owner.

 

"I look forward to it," He heard himself say. He wasn't even lying. There was actual anticipation for the next time that they would cross paths/

 

III

 

Neither of them were actually tired. Having Time Lord genes meant that they were rarely ever actually exhausted. They could go gallivanting across space and time for years before exhaustion even began to seep in at it's slightest. They had communicated very little during the day. However, when they did talk, they had agreed that they would at least try to get some sleep because the grief was so overwhelming and overpowering that sleep was the only thing that would grant them respite.

He honestly had tried to sleep, but his body and mind were far too alert. In his brain, thoughts – unhelpful and caustic ones – were bouncing around.

 _"Goodbye Raggedy man."_ Why did Amelia Pond have to be so weak? Why did she have to love Rory so much? At the end, it was love that had impaired her and made her make such a stupid decision. He had always known that love was poisonous and evil. Thought, it was not her fault that she was human - a may fly compared to him. It wasn't her fault that she had been sucked into the feeble and pathetic notion that was love.

No, in fact, why did Rory have to be so stupid and allow himself to die – again?! Wasn't dying, many times before enough? 

 _"Doctor shut up! Yes, yes, it is!"_ He turned to glare at his wife who was sound asleep besides him – probably feigning. Why did she have to open her mouth and encourage her mother to leave him? A cynical part of him thought that this was her killing instincts resurfacing again. Unfortunately for him, his wife was manipulative and astute. She had tried to kill him so many times and to no avail. Perhaps this time, she had decided to use a different tactic. She'd love him - or pretend to at least. Then, now when he finally felt secure, she had pounced like a lion. Killing him with grief and loss. Well, it was working! The thought went as quickly as it had came. He gazed at his wife sheepishly. He was absolutely ashamed at himself. Ashamed that for a second, he could believe that she was deliberately trying to hurt him. He knew River Song was loyal, otherwise she wouldn't have died for him.

No. He had to stop deflecting the blame. It was his own fault. He was wrong in pressuring Amelia into travelling with him. In fact, he was the manipulative and cunning one; not his wife. He had deliberately made Amelia feel guilty for ever considering completely abandoning space and time travel for a normal life. He could have just left her to boring real life with bills and tax and mortgages and Brian – then they would still be alive. 

 

 

IV

 

A hot tear roll down his face. His feeling were all just a tangled jumbled incoherent mess. There was mild anger towards his wife. She was supposed to keep his secrets – not blurt them out! Then again, he had expected her to tell her parents that he was a life anyway. Also, there was a bit of gratitude towards her as well. It certainly would have been a lot worst if the Doctor had popped up on the Pond's doorstep if they had actually grieved his death. Amy would have been sure to kill him if that were the situation. He was happy. It wasn't the usual unadulterated and childish happiness that fueled him. It was more glazed with a bit of shame. They had set a place for him on their table. The Pond's had remembered him. They still cared. He hadn't even been in contact for two years and it wasn't contrived that he would turn up on their door step. He would have been happy gallivanting the world pretending that they did no exist if Madge had not convinced him to find them. And there they were. The Pond's were waiting for him. (He wasn't worth the wait in his own opinion). He should have told them earlier that he was still alive. In fact, he was wrong to actually allow them to believe that he was dead.

 

He was not surprised to find his wife as he entered the dining room. She looked him up and down, with an amused look in her eyes and her eyebrow raised. "And what sort of time do you call this?"

"The traffic was hell!" He responded, feigning annoyance. "No hello sweetie then?" He asked, hastily kissing her on the cheek.

"Hello sweetie," She said in a sultry voice.

"It's been a long time. I missed you dear."  
  
"And I you. Though, we'll make up for lost time tonight."

"You two, enough of the flirting." Rory insisted, glaring at the Doctor.

"Let's be lenient, it's Christmas after all." Amy laughed.

"Yeah Roman. You can't stop me anyway."

"You want to bet? I have a sword Doctor and I can ground you River." They all started to laugh at Rory's feigned stern warning. He was wrong to have let them believe that he was dead - to let them grieve. However, more so grateful that at last he was home.

 

V

 

Every now and then when he allowed his thoughts to drift to her, he could not help but feel an intense feeling of shame and guilt. His memory played her last minutes on loop continuously – adamant in its attempts to drive him absolutely crazy. She knew that she was doing to die, yet she did not cry or scream. Like a solider, she was courageous. It should have been him. It really should have!  It was wrong of him not to find a way to break out of the handcuffs – after all, he was able to after she died. He should have convinced her to stop being stupid and to allow him to save everyone like it was supposed to be. Now Professor River Song was dead – saved, yes, but what sort of life is that?

 

Several years later

 

(Morning on Darillium) 

He heaved in air and refused to open his eyes. He couldn't summon up enough courage to dare. He did not want to confirm with his own two eyes that she was indeed gone. However, he could feel the absence of her weight on his side. He could not help hut notice that her curly lions main was not tickling his neck. His wife was gone. She was lost. It was the end. It brought him the slightest bit of comfort that at least, now, she knew that she was loved and cherished. However, he was so so wrong to let her go without that for the years before. He groaned inwardly. How was he ever to recover from the damage that love had left? 

I

(One thing he was right about )

He was an idiot.

He really was an idiot in a blue box.

He was not a good man or bad man.

He was an idiot.


End file.
